It’s that time of year again when I start planning my summer solo-backpacking trip. It’s currently 30-40ish degree weather outside and as much as I love the snow, my mind and body is longing to be back in the blistering hot/sunny summer trails. The past two years I chose to complete my solo-backpacking trips in the Sawtooth Mountains. The Sawtooth Mountains are located in Southern Idaho and are glorious. If you have never been to the Sawtooth’s maybe this is your year to give it a try. I was brain-storming potential destinations for this summer when I was reminded of something I wrote last year about what it’s like on my solo-backpacking trips and thought I’d share it.

Question: What is it like being out there all alone?

That is one loaded question. Leaving the comfort and safety of my home is where giddiness and adrenaline collide. Abandoning my car in the overly packed parking lot is when the fear sets in. Yes, you heard that right. FEAR. The very moment my feet hit the trail I’m filled with excitement and panic. A thousand thoughts swirl in my mind with the first gust of wind; what if I get injured and no one is there to help me? What if my SOS button doesn’t work? Or my GPS and phone batteries die? What if this is “The Trip” the one where I don’t make it back to my car? What if my food gets eaten by an animal and I starve? Will I be able to defend myself against a grizzly? Or better yet defend myself against a man who’s hell bent on hurting me? Fear is human nature and happens to everyone.

As the miles go by the fear stays stagnant in the air. Excitement however, triumphs over those fears. With every obstacle that triggers those “what if” thoughts comes a desperate prayer for strength and determination to overcome the impossible. As soon as the words, “God help me” graze my lips, He has already provided. Each time my motivation lags and no one seems to be there; God miraculously places another hiker on the trail to encourage me to keep going. The sweet words of, “you go girl” and “you can do this, keep going” nourishes my mental and physical strength to continue. Recurring thoughts of a bacon cheeseburger, fries, and a Sunny-D also entice my body to keep moving.

Nothing feels greater than getting to the top of a summit. The strong gusts of wind, hot blazing sun and sore muscles are all worth the beautiful views. This is where I feel extremely small compared to the mountains I just conquered. For an instant all those fears have vanished. I stand in awe at the miles of outstanding perfection. Those are the moments where joy is pulsating through every vein and artery in my body and I cannot contain my smile. But the realization hits as soon as I put the 37 pound backpack on my already fatigued back, the adventure isn’t over. The excitement of overcoming my fears gets me through each day.

The last day however, is always the hardest to motivate myself. My muscles are sore, feet are tired, hips hurt and shoulders are at the brink of blistering due to shoulder straps rubbing them raw. But the thought of returning to my car lures me awake. Hitting the trail in complete darkness by myself is eerie. Thoughts of animals lurking behind me cause my feet to move faster even though they are completely exhausted. Before reaching the top of the summit, God uses the voice of a close friend to say, “Miriam, I am so proud of you, you’ve got this” which makes each step 10x more bearable. In less than an hour, at the top of the summit, my eyes see the sunrise just over the peak of the mountain range. A wave a relief washes over me as I realize it will be down hill from thereafter. The final stretch is almost always the most difficult. More people start populating the trial and say those enticing words of “you’re almost there” even though it’s still about an hour of uphill.

The moment I see my car, tears of joy threaten to pour out of my eyes. As soon as my pack comes off my back, a huge sigh of relief escapes my mouth and all my muscles immediately relax. Tearing the duct tape off my blistering shoulders causes intense pain and accidental outburst of groaning howls. Nothing feels greater than the feeling of accomplishing this huge triumph and proving to myself I can do anything I set my mind to. Fear can either hold you back or push you forward in growth. God gives us the choice to take a step forward in faith or hold ourselves back in the safety zone. Allow yourself the chance to grow.