No better way to celebrate then a backpacking trip to the Sawtooths!!! A few weeks prior to my backpacking trip, during a counseling session, I learned I was no longer diagnosed with PTSD. Originally, the thought of the diagnosis of PTSD scared me and caused me to be emotionally distraught because I feared this diagnosis was going to be lifelong. My counselor reassured me overcoming PTSD was in fact possible and wasn’t a lifelong diagnosis. A year and a half later here I am, free of PTSD. It took a lot of work and determination to overcome PTSD, something I never thought I would have to face. To celebrate, I decided to go back to the Sawtooth Mountains. This year was the fourth time I have completed the same trail and each year it is hard no matter how much or how little I have trained for it. It always surprises me how much I can push my body. I would like to say I was in tip-top shape this year but that was not the case and I still made it out alive.

Day 1: Beep, Beep, Beep— the sound of my alarm blasted at 0330. It was THE day. I took a quick shower before getting on the road at 0400 to attempt to make it to the trailhead by 1430. Lots of construction along the way threw a little wrench into that original plan. Nine hours into the car ride I was getting restless and a little nervous about the fire located at the Sawtooth’s Redfish Lake lodge. About 15miles from the trailhead, I was driving through a thick layer of gray smoke which made for an eerie beginning for my hiking adventure. Passing the emergency shelter camp-site didn’t make me feel any better. But getting a call from my sister-in-law only a few short miles from the trailhead helped calm my anxious thoughts of the fire. There were orange signs posted at the trailhead to indicate which trails were off limits and to my relief the ones I was headed for were safe. So, I left my car, cell service and headed off on my celebratory trip. The trail started off easy and the stream crossings were very manageable. The water wasn’t flowing as fast as it has in previous years, and I was able find logs or large rocks to cross without having to wade into any of them. Two hours into the hike it started raining and thundering which didn’t put my already anxious mind at ease.  However, it did cool me off a bit. I hiked through what appeared to be fallen trees from an avalanche which had not there the previous year and made finding the trail more challenging. I eventually hiked up to the first lake, Alice Lake, which is gorgeous but was a bit too overcrowded. I continued around the lake and up a mile to Twin Lakes which are more secluded. The rain and thunder had thankfully stopped when I had gotten to Alice Lake. When I finally arrived at Twin Lakes it was 1930 and was so exhausted from the day. I met two gals in a tent right off the trail and asked if I could camp next to them for that night. With their approval, I got straight to work to set up camp which included setting up my tent, making dinner, and getting my bear-hang set up. I chatted with the gals who were also from Washington. I went to bed soon after since I was exhausted from the long drive and 7.5 mile hike up. 

Day 2: I woke up the next morning half expecting my body to be in pain and much to my surprise it was not. I did however have some period cramps. I started up the trail to the summit and could instantly feel the weight of my pack as I struggled to make it up. I stopped frequently to take in the view and catch my breath. I made it to the top in about an hour. At the top, while taking photos with my phone and tripod, a gust of wind came and knocked the tripod over the edge sliding down the rockface. I have never thrown my backpack off as fast as I did in that moment. I dove to grab my phone just before it flew down the mountainside. I managed to come away with just a bruise to the knee and no open gash. Once recovered, thankfully, my phone sustained only a few scratches to the screen protector. I continued taking photos just not as close to the edge. After a little while, I continued on down the other side of the mountain where I met up with a few different groups of backpackers who had stayed at a different lake on the other side of the mountain. I chatted a little while with each group to see if they had any updates on the fire close by and other trail closures. To my relief the fire was continuing to burn in the opposite direction. Continuing on, I ate lunch and replenished my water before my next summit to the pass. The hike up to the summit pass was very challenging causing my muscles and hips to ache as well as my cramps. The pressure of my Walther in its holster on my belly was the only thing that was giving any relief to the cramps. At this point in the day, the sun was sweltering, and sweat was forming beads on my face as I continued to the top. Finally, at the top I downed the rest of my water. I looked around in awe of the views and how strong I felt for making it that far. I made it down to Edna Lake by 1530 and had found a spot to set up camp. Before getting my feet into the water to cool off a bit, I met the two men who were camped next to me. These guys respected my space and were very friendly. They were both around retirement age and flew all the way from North Carolina to hike this particular trail. They were in amazement of my solo-trek. Their words of encouragement were just what I needed to hear.  The rest of the evening was surprisingly very peaceful and calm. I reflected on how much God had brought me through this past year overcoming PTSD and navigating through panic attacks.  

Day 3: I awoke the next morning to hear the two guys next to me packing up and hiking out. We had chatted about hiking to the same lake that day. However, they had wanted to get a good camping site, so they were planning to leave early to do so. I reluctantly got up from my cozy sleeping bag and started to pack up my gear before having breakfast. I hiked back up to the top of the pass where the whole time I felt as if I was a pack mule. I made it down to Imogene Lake by lunchtime. Much to my surprise there didn’t seem to be anyone else around not even the two guys I had met the previous night. I checked in with family and friends on my Garmin in-reach device. I had received a message back from a family friend saying to watch out for dry thunderstorms headed my way that night. I set up camp and then jumped into the fridged clear blue lake to wash the dirt and grime from my body. As soon as my body hit the water, I instantly wanted to jump back out. I calmed my body from the shock of the cold water and cleaned off. Drying off in the sun felt so good. I eventually put warm clothes on since it was a bit breezy. About an hour later, dark clouds started closing in around the lake, so I headed to my tent. As soon as I got all my gear inside, the downpour began. During the rain, I heard a group of adults with teenagers on horseback going by and overheard some of their conversations.

“There are a few rules for today and what we are doing.
Rule 1: Always have fun and look cool while doing it.
Rule 2: Don’t get lost, but if you do get lost look cool while doing it.
Rule 3: Don’t add to the population, and don’t take away from the population.
Rule 4: K.I.S.S.  Keep it Stupid Silly.”

~Horse trail Leader

I let out a giggle at the list of rules for the teens. And just like that they were gone. The storm lasted for a hour and half. Once it let up, I got out and tried to shake the rain off my tent to dry it out. I was able to make dinner and write in my prayer journal a little while before more dark clouds started moving in once again. I quickly replenished my water supply by filtering it and set up my bear hang before getting into my tent by 2000. As soon as I got in it started pouring and this time it was followed by thunder. I considered packing up and hiking back to my car, but reminded myself it was safer to stay where I was at instead of hiking through the storm. I listened to a calming playlist on my phone to remind me that God was with me and keeping me safe.  I decided to go to sleep early since I was planning on getting up early for a sunrise summit.

Day 4: I didn’t sleep as great as I had the previous nights because of the anticipation of hiking back to my car. I awoke at 0415, so I decided just to get a head start. I packed up all my gear in the dark and got on the trail by 0445. My muscles were already aching, and I felt stiff but forced myself to move one foot in front of the other. Immediately on the trail, my thoughts started racing. “There is something out here…I’m not going to make it back to my car… Wait, was as that something moving over there…” On and on I hiked through the dark with my headlight guiding my way. I made my way through the woods back to the canyon of switchbacks made of rock to the top of the summit. Which each switchback I prayed that God would provide the strength I needed to get back to my car. I felt so weak and hiking in the dark made me feel anxious about twisting an ankle. I struggled with each step, but finally made it to the top just as the sky was turning vivid shades of pink, orange, and yellow.

The nine miles down to my car seemed slightly possible after making it to the top of the summit. There were several waterfalls to cross during those miles downhill which were actually fun to cross. Two miles from the parking lot was the very last stream crossing. This one, I had to wade into since there were no logs or rocks positioned to be able to get cross. The water was quite cold since it was so early in the morning. I put my socks and hiking boots back on right on after crossing in my Chaco sandals to keep my feet warm. One mile from the parking lot, I returned my hiking permit to the box and started the dreadful climb up and then down to the parking area. More people started populating the trail. Each one would stop me to asked how far I went and ask about the trail conditions. I would update them and catch my breath before continuing forward. I started hiking faster as soon as I could see the lake that my car was parked next to knowing I was almost there. I could have cried when I finally saw my car at the trailhead at 0909. I got all my gear in my car, changed clothes, updated my family and friends on my Garmin in-reach device, and ate a protein bar before heading off to my next adventure. From the trailhead I drove to my aunt and uncle’s house three hours away and stayed with them for a couple nights before heading home.

All in all, I have never felt as calm and at peace as I did on that trail. I felt so close to God as if He was waiting for me to get away from the busyness of life to slow down and just be present with Him. I slowed down to take in the beauty surrounding me and acknowledge how far I had come this past year. The photos do not compare to the greatness of these mountains and the valleys below. I hope this inspires others to get outside and see God’s beautiful handiwork. And see that He will help you get through any struggle no matter how big it seems.